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FAT!

 136lbs...


Of....


Pure...


FATNESS!

125 calories

Today, I was planning on fasting but, my friend, Ryan, tells me I'm not allowed to.
Fuck!
I wanted to but, I'm not allowed.  crappers.

I know I could always lie to him and everything but, I hate lying to my best friends so i'm just going to eat a little bit.

Here's what I ate today:

One cup of Light Yoplait Yogurt - 100 calories.
One Med Carrot - 25 calories.

Total: 125 calories.

I plan on having a half a cup of canned soup which is: 60 calories

so all together for today I'll have 185 calories...
Is that too much?

Stats:

Age: 17
CW: 138lbs
CH: 5'7"
LW: 91 pounds
HW: 149lbs
GW1: 130 pounds.
GW2: 120 pounds.

I lost 11 pounds.

 I lost 11 pounds since the beginning of the month.
Met my goal for the month of 135lbs.
Now I'm 132lbs!

I wanna get down to 120 by the end of july.  I really hope I can. 

220 calories

 Today I only had 220 calories.
I'm getting worried though.
I keep losing weight.
I mean, its good but, everyone keeps saying "You're gonna die if you keep this up."
and "stay safe."
and "Take care of yourself."
I'm starting to wonder if I will die?
I mean, is all this worth it?
I don't know anymore.
I'm confused.

128lbs

 Yay! I'm finally 128lbs!
Yesterday I was 127lbs.
But, I gained a pound. =[
but, at least its not in the 30's again.
I'm trying to get to 125lbs or 120lbs by the end of May.
I hope I can do it.

Anyway, today I ate:

B - yogurt - 110 cals.
Orange Juice 110 cals.

L -

D -

Total 220 cals.

I guess thats okay, I plan on having less than 600 calories and burning off whatever I can by exercising. =)

I'LL NEVER EAT EVER AGAIN!!!

 Okay, maybe not ever again.
But, at least for the rest of today.
maybe tomorrow too.
I was supposed to only have 300 calories today (My 30 day diet told me too)
And I had 4 brownies.
Which are 160 calories each.
So all together thats...640 calories!
I had like double what I was supposed to have.
So thats it. I'm not eating for the rest of the day!
And I couldn't eat even if I wanted to,
because I fucking cut my stomach into shreds!
I didn't lose much blood, I just did about *counts* about 50 cuts...
I know it sounds like a lot but, its really not to bad.
But, my stomach does hurt like a motherfucker.
I'm sure it'll hurt to eat.
It helps the hunger pains go away too.

anyway, tomorrow I'm eating 400 calories or less.
NO MORE THAN THAT!
IF I DO SOMEONE PLEASE SHOOT ME!

but, on a plus side, I lost a couple inches around my waist and a pound this morning.
So now I'm 130lbs.
and 25" around my waist.
So yay for me!

But, I swear if I gain any weight,
I'm gonna fucking kill myself.
I refused to be FAT for the rest of my life!

NervosaNitemare

New Commuity:
 http://community.livejournal.com/nervosanitemare/

New website:
http://nervosanightmare.biz.ly/index.html

New 30 Diet/Challenage:
http://nervosanightmare.biz.ly/rich_text_3.html


Please join the community and try the new diet!!
I promise you won't be sorry!

I hope she doesn't learn from me...

 Okay, so today I went to help my older brother with his kids.
I babysat for a while.
It was fun...
Until they gave us dinner.
A hamburger...
After I ate it I felt really bad.
And I did something stupid...
I went into the bathroom...
Got on my knees...
stuck my fingers down my throat...
And I purged.

To make matters worse...
*hangs head in shame* My neice was right outside the door.
I think she heard me...
Oh god, What if she learns from me and starts doing it when she gets older!?
It will all be MY fault!!!

"What got me into this mess that devours me...
Lies and decietful actions keep promising..."
Darling - Eyes Set To Kill
 yeah, I'm fine now.
Just worked out a lot and burned some calories.
I'm trying to do that more so I can feel better about myself.
I really want to get thinner.

Things I ate today-

Breakfast - Nothing.

Lunch - around 3 homemade chocolate chip cookies -  207 calories.

Total: 207 calories.

I know thats pretty much nothing but, why do I still feel like its a lot?

Stay strong. &hearts

fuck!

 Guess what!? I got siiick!! *sniff sniff*
My nose is all stuffed up and I keep sneezing.  Its horrible.

But, in good news.
I lost a pound today,
just by working out and eating healthy.
I'm trying to eat a little more for my friends and family at least.
Me, My friend Ryan, My boyfriend Chris and My friend Brittany are all trying to get better together,
I don't know how everyone else is doing but, I'm trying somewhat,
but, I keep going back to ana,
it really bothers me that I can't stop going back.
I keep getting upset whenever I gain weight.
Fuck.  I wish I could be skinny without starving myself.

anyway, I really hope I get better because I feel like shit right now. *sniff*